The Outhouse Book. . . Readin' that's probably not ready for indoor plumbing - Softcover

Mecham, David; Allred, Wayne

9781885027078: The Outhouse Book. . . Readin' that's probably not ready for indoor plumbing

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1885027079 ISBN 13: 9781885027078

Publisher: Willow Tree Books, 1997

This light-hearted parody on bathroom books belongs in every privy in America and the third world. Topics include: Pet Peeves, Bad Farming Ideas, Reflections on the Good Old Days, and Fun with Vegetarians.

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From the Back Cover:

What people are saying about the "Outhouse Book"

Mildred Plankton of Pheasant Wedge, Colorado:

"This book changed my life. Now, whenever I get tired of viewing the lead dog's backside, I know I can always close my eyes and visualize a cheeseburger."

Homer Lardner of Hernia Bend, Idaho:

"I believe that I speak for the entire Lardner family when I say that I doubt I'll ever blow-dry another frog."

Elton "Doc" Euthanasia of Gleekwater, Oregon:

"This book helped me place my life in perspective. I know now that a temper too short is better than a bunji cord too long."

There. Even if you're not completely bowled over by these reviews, we hope this will at least encourage you to read further. And maybe we'll let you and your friends write reviews for the next one.

From Chapter 1: Many of us older folk can remember times when we didn't have it quite so good, soft and easy. I am always receiving entertaining mail from my readers. And after they remind me that I owe them money, they will occasionally offer a reminiscence that they want me to write about in my columns. Some of these reminiscences remind me of my own home...and since misery sometimes makes pretty good reading, I thought I should share some of these with you, my readers. Honestly, I am also doing this partly for the benefit of the rising generation. I'm hoping that my kids might pick it up, maybe thinking it's a Mad Magazine, or something and by reading it develop an appre-ciation for how tough we had it in the good old days when men were truly men and girls were generally safe only in trees.

Gladys Stern from Dog Wash, Wyoming remembers how her family used to stay warm during the cold winters by stuffing chickens down their clothes. She further explains: "That's where the term, 'colder than 20 chickens' comes from". She remembers that in Wyoming in January it was so cold that people's teeth would often freeze together and a lot of people would starve to death or suffocate.

Maude Hornbill from Horse Flank, Colorado reminisces: "In the summertime, when it got unbearably hot, we were taught to spit on each other out of courtesy."

Scooter Lardner from Pioche, Nevada tells us, "One winter after the crops had all failed. We got so hungry that we filled up on spun glass insulation from the attic and the twinkie wrappers that mom had been saving to make a quilt. One time, on his way home from working in the stone quarry, Dad lucked onto a bunch of skunks. Even though Dad had to eat outside, that was one of the best meals I ever had." He also recalls, "I can remember during one lean time that I had my faithful dog, "Old Blue" out all night hunting toads. I came in with a big sack of them. We were just licking our chops in anticipation of Mom's toad soup, but instead mom gave them all to the neighbors who were worse off than us. All we had to eat that night was dirt and rocks sweetened with transmission fluid. But we learned an important lesson."

Out in Boot Crack, Arizona, Chuck "Bilge Hammer" Banks remembers how, "by putting a dead rat or some other piece of carrion on our heads, we could sometimes coax a hawk or vulture to come after it. When they swooped down, their wings flapping is as close to air conditioning as we got in those days."

Fred Bern in Pyallup, Washington remembers that the key to staying warm in that part of the country was to stay dry, and so they were taught to pour hot tar down their pants. He remembers that this would keep you real warm for a while and when it would harden, you would have a kind of poor man's wet suit.

Dave Bland from Crack Pot, Nevada reminisces, "We were so poor that we couldn't afford nuts in our fruit cakes at Christmas time so Granny would substitute rocks and gravel." He adds, "Every day I milked a couple thousand cows by hand before school. I was so excited when the new shop vacuums came out with a hose attachment...although at first it did take 5 or 6 of us to hold the cow down."

Edsel Wedge from out in Grizzly Cavity, Montana remembers "During the war we couldn't get chocolate...so my brother and I would sneak over to the neighbors ditch. That clay mud sweetened with transmission fluid wasn't so bad as I remember and we were darned glad to have it...but we got in trouble once when we ate all the mud on the lower side of the ditch causing it to break and flood the Brussels sprouts crop."

Lutherene Smedley from Crotchwedge, Texas remembers, "Of course in those days there were no doctors or antibiotics out our way. When we caught a cold, mom would sweat it out of us by putting us in the microwave on a low heat all afternoon."

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