When I Was Five I Killed Myself - Hardcover

Buten, Howard

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 1585670391 ISBN 13: 9781585670390

Publisher: The Overlook Press, 2000

Synopsis

And to Burt, his parents and teachers seem to be speaking a language he cannot understand. This is Burt’s story as written in pencil on the walls of the Quiet Room in the Children’s Trust Residence Center, where he lands after expressing his ardent feelings for a classmate. It begins: When I was five I killed myself. Rarely has a child’s particular frame of mind been so indelibly set down on the page as in this extraordinary novel. In When I Was Five I Killed Myself, Howard Buten renders with astounding insight and wry language the tale of a young boy testing the boundaries of love and life.

About this title

About the Author:

Howard Buten, the author of seven novels published in France, is a performing artist known as Buffo the clown, who has played opera houses around the world. In 1991, he was named a Chevalier des Artes et Lettres, France's highest literary honor. He divides his time between New York and Paris.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Chapter One

When I was five I killed myself.

I was waiting for Popeye who comes after the News. He has large wrists for a person and he is strong to the finish. But the News wouldn't end.

My dad was watching it. I had my hands over my ears because I am afraid of the News. I don't enjoy it as television. It has Russians on who will bury us. It has the President of the United States who is bald. It has highlights from this year's fabulous Autorama where I have been once, it was quite enjoyable as an activity.

A man came on the News. He had something in his hand, a doll, and he held it up. (You could see it wasn't real because of the sewing.) I took my hands off.

"This was a little girl's favorite toy," the man said. "And tonight, because of a senseless accident, she is dead."

I ran up to my room.

I jumped on my bed.

I stuffed my face into my pillow and pushed it harder and harder until I couldn't hear anything anymore. I held my breath.

Then my dad came in and took my pillow away and put his hand on me and said my name. I was crying. He bent over and put his hands under me and lifted me up. He did this to the back of my hair and I put my head on him. He is very strong.

He whispered, "It's ok, Son, don't cry."

"I'm not," I said. "I'm a big boy."

But I was crying. Then Dad told me that every day somebody gets dead and nobody knows why. It's just the rules. Then he went downstairs.

I sat on my bed for a long time. I sat and sat. Something was wrong inside me, I felt it inside my stomach and I didn't know what to do. So I layed down on the floor. I stuck out my pointer finger and pointed it at my head. And I pushed down my thumb. And killed myself.

Copyright © 1981, 2000 by Howard Buten

About this edition

• Publisher: The Overlook Press
• Publication date: 2000
• ISBN 10: 1585670391
• ISBN 13: 9781585670390
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 156