I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't - Softcover

Iam, Mabel

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1416539956 ISBN 13: 9781416539957

Publisher: Atria, 2008

Synopsis

World-renowned sex therapist and romance expert Mabel Iam offers a groundbreaking guide to creating long-lasting romantic relationships.

Often we enter into a relationship and say, "I love you," but then wonder, "Now what?" Feeling love for someone is not enough to keep the spark alive. Successful relationships must be based upon a solid foundation that's rooted in a continuous exchange of emotions, ideas, wills, beliefs, actions, reactions, vibrations, thoughts and objectives. Often this can be difficult and complicated to achieve, but I Love You. Now What? offers easy-to-follow methods for enjoying the benefits of a lasting relationship.

Through exploring why we fall in love, reflecting upon the emotional stages we experience and examining issues that can negatively influence our relationships—including communication, trust and sex—Mabel reveals how love can not only survive, but thrive. Mabel's clear and thoughtful advice, her exclusive recipes for great sex and fascinating testimonials from her clients will help readers achieve the ultimate joy in life: long, lasting love.

About this title

About the Author:

Mabel Iam is a psychotherapist and relationship expert, as well as the author of several national and international award-winning bestsellers. She often appears on Telemundo and Univision and has a weekly radio show. Visit her website at www.mabeliam.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Chapter 1
I Love You and I Love Myself

Do I have any idea what kind of relationship I need?

Am I prepared for true love?

Have I dreamed of the possibility of finding a perfectly harmonious relationship?

Do I dare to live out this dream?

Do I know my personality, what I can and cannot give, and that which I need to receive in order for the relationship to work?

While asking myself these questions, I can learn the answers that flow straight from my heart.

The Mystery of Love

No other human activity is initiated with such powerful hopes and expectations as an amorous relationship. This is true even for those who have failed or encountered obstacles with other relationships. At the start of a new relationship, the enthusiasm of gambling on love is always renewed. And, unlike most of life's activities, falling in love is not something we can plan ahead of time. It just happens.

It also happens sometimes without our realizing it. We may find ourselves involved in a relationship and asking ourselves, "How did I get here?" Then we realize that the words I love you have escaped our hearts and our lips. Then we ask, "What now?"

Every human being goes through this, in some way at some point. It's that marvelous aspect of love and relationships that cannot be controlled as other activities can. And this is why so many questions arise after we hear ourselves affirm our love.

Love is the path that guides us to a life of abundance and perfection. This is the first thing we need to understand about love, which leads us to the fact that a relationship is always in a state of renewal, even when we are relating to ourselves. It is important that we reflect daily that when we are in a relationship we must always remain open to newness.

A romantic relationship is a continuous exchange of emotions, ideas, opinions, wills, beliefs, actions, reactions, vibrations, thoughts and objectives between two people. The foundation for happiness is set when this exchange is positive and balanced. Through it, love can be rediscovered and shared by way of trust, understanding, gentleness, union and acceptance.

Should There Be a School for Love?

I have always said that nobody has educated us on how to love. Religions across the ages, without a doubt, have had some say in the matter, yet conflicts, divorces and problems seem to increase more and more each day.

Questions about love are endless: Can one learn to love? Are we capable of loving more than one person? How many relationships should we have before deciding which will be "the one"? Can we really love someone all of our lives? Are there universal ideas regarding love or does everything depend upon the culture in which we were raised? Do we generally only place value on learning things that can bring us money or prestige? How many times have we mistaken passion for love? I could go on and on asking questions. This book could become a dictionary of questions. Let us each begin to think about creating a school for love that will unify all human beings from anywhere on the planet.

Among the many answers I have found, I believe that love is the most beautiful and simple art in life. Love, as any art, is learned. In fact, the desire to efficiently and consciously solidify a relationship is an act of maturity. This process, when carried out by both members of the relationship, is splendid and very gratifying for the couple on the material, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. If we wish to learn how to love, we must proceed in the same way we would to master anything else.

Love benefits every level of our existence. It nurtures and sustains every act and situation that we go through in our lives. Thanks to this, it is life's central theme and the primary area on which we have to focus our energies. Yes, whether we want to admit it or not, all of us will fall in love at some point in our lives. We may feel lost while navigating this wondrous art because for this, the most interesting of all human activities, there is no school.

Every relationship that we undertake in life helps us grow, be it through painful or pleasant experiences. Not all relationships work out, but all pass through our lives for some special purpose. Every time we need to learn something, we attract people who will help us find the answers. Only that one specific experience or that one particular relationship holds the key to teaching us the true answer.

Our relationships act as a mirror of our inner selves. That is why we have to take the following motto into account: "That which I love in others is me. That which I reject in others is also me."

We have the power to accept, modify and grow from any virtue or defect we encounter in ourselves. We can also carry out this same process in relationships, to deepen our love and trust for both ourselves and our significant other.

That which bonds us to another person is based on thoughts, beliefs, judgments and emotions. If we have a negative experience with someone and don't forgive him or her, we relate negatively to that person and remain negatively bound to our own emotions and thoughts. Later we may find that we end up repeating the same experience with somebody else.

If we remember the example of the mirror, we can change our view of the world and our own relationships. We can apply the law of attraction to find that special person who will correspond perfectly with our own feelings and thoughts. We assume responsibility for our relationships and therefore we control the destiny of each one.

Once we have clarity on what we want for ourselves, we can relate to others in a unique, stable, harmonious and magnificent way. But everything depends on our inner reality, which consists of our emotions, desires and thoughts. Because thoughts are creative, they create everything around us, especially those things that they focus on and comprehend. Sometimes it happens consciously, but in most cases, it is an unconscious process. If we want to change our world and our relationships, we must simply begin by changing our thoughts.

The Inner Mirror

In order to properly carry out this visualization exercise, find a quiet spot, relax your body and quiet your thoughts. Imagine a large white screen with a giant mirror in your mind. In that mirror, reflect the image of your significant other or the person for whom you feel an attraction. Once you can clearly see this picture, project onto the image everything that you love about that other person, and everything that causes conflicts for you in the relationship.

When you see something in your partner's behavior that has upset you, stop for a moment to think about what exactly has upset you. Once your ideas are clear, explain them to your partner, as though the mirror were a scene from real life. Once you've clearly identified that annoying defect or behavior in your partner, you'll realize that it is also a defect or behavioral pattern that you reject in yourself.

The more you practice this exercise the more you will realize that love is just like this mirror. The universe that we create around ourselves depends upon the way we see things. And this is without a doubt the result of our vision of love.

The most important thing to consider before entering into any relationship is your first love: the love that you feel for yourself.

Liberating Ourselves from False Mirrors and Relationships

This next exercise helps us to understand how we cling to the images that others have of us, and how important it is to love ourselves unconditionally. This visualization will connect you with the false image that you have of yourself, and will lead you to appreciate yourself more.

Visualize a great gallery filled with corridors. Walk until you come to a room in which the walls are totally covered by mirrors of different sizes and shapes. Take your time observing how you feel. Stop in front of the mirror that you most identify with. Note which one you choose, because every aspect of yourself that you discover while you're being reflected in your inner mirror is part of you. These may be familiar to you, or they may not be; for example, you may observe that the person in the mirror is passive, emotionless and very still, yet you consider yourself active and emotionally open to your partner. It's possible that you don't accept these hidden aspects of your personality as a true part of yourself. It is possible, then, that you may be bothered by these qualities in others, or that you attract people into your life that seem like they don't offer enough. It's important for you to relate to these inner parts of yourself, understand them and try to identify what they need. Create an inner dialogue that will allow you to know these aspects more fully, until you no longer find yourself rejecting these characteristics in yourself. If you can accept every aspect of your inner self, your relationship with your partner will be more harmonious.

Focus your attention on the living brilliance of your eyes, and notice how beautiful they are. Realize that they are the reflection of your soul, always radiating inside you. Feel how your soul needs to love you. As you vibrate with that love and splendor, you will realize how important you are to yourself -- so much so that you may no longer need approval or validation from others.

When we feel affection, respect and conscious acceptance of ourselves, this will be reflected in our bodies and we will transmit this loving energy to the world around us. Learning to think positively about yourself is directly connected to knowing yourself, identifying your qualities and flaws, and accepting yourself so that you can positively transform your life.

People who love themselves are genuinely ready to begin a relationship. They manage their emotions and inner issues intelligently. For example, they

• Maintain a calm attitude in the face of stimuli.
• Lean on their partners and allow the other to rely on them, without creating dependence....

About this edition

• Publisher: Atria
• Publication date: 2008
• ISBN 10: 1416539956
• ISBN 13: 9781416539957
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 304