Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them From Behind: How to Nurture High-Achieving Athletes, Scholars, and Performing Artists - Softcover

Tofler M.D., Ian; DiGeronimo, Theresa Foy

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0787952230 ISBN 13: 9780787952235

Publisher: Jossey-Bass, 2000

Synopsis

Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them From Behind is acommon sense guide for moms and dads of talented and giftedchildren. In this practical book, authors Dr. Ian Tofler andTheresa Geronimo--experts in the field of parenting--present theirSeven-Step Program for Encouraging and Protecting High-AchievingChildren. This innovative program offers guidance for establishinghealthy boundaries between parents' ambitions and the needs oftheir talented children and clear-cut instructions for helpingchildren balance achievement with happiness.

To read Debating What is Best for Our Children, an excerpt fromthis book,click here.

About this title

Review:

In this competitive age, where children are busier than their parents and parents are obsessed with their child's achievements, psychiatrist Ian Tofler and writer Theresa Foy DiGeronimo have asked an urgent question: where do parents draw the line between encouraging and pushing too hard? Their book, Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them from Behind is a compelling and practical blueprint for preventing kids from being overscheduled, overworked, and overly pressured.

To map the differences between encouragement and exploitation, the authors describe relationships between parents and children throughout history. They underline the squirmy similarity between the 17th century child working long hours in English coal mines and the 21st century child expected to practice piano for four hours after school, play football when injured, or attend summer SAT boot camp. "We believe the line is drawn at the point that separates the parent's needs and goals from those of the child," say Tofler and DiGeronimo.

Vivid examples drawn from both celebrity children (actress Natalie Portman and 7-year-old pilot Jessica Dubroff ) and talented kids from across the country suggest both guidelines and red flag warnings for parents who want to support the development of talent while protecting their children. One chapter grabs narcissistic, needy parents by the lapels and gives their behavior the bad label it deserves: "Achievement by Proxy Disorder"--a syndrome where the parents need for fame, wealth, and recognition (as gained through a child's accomplishments) takes priority over the child's needs and goals. Other insightful chapters focus on a seven-step plan that avoids APD and helps parents to evaluate and encourage their talented children. Tofler and DiGeronimo urge parents to settle for nothing less than putting the fun back into being a child. This wise and necessary book suggests a wholehearted golden rule for nurturing talent: love children for what they are; not for what they do. --Barbara Mackoff

From the Back Cover:

Do you believe your child is gifted—certainly more talented than the kid next door? Are you proactively positioning your young child for college honors, a professional career, and well-deserved fame? If so, beware! You could be unwittingly pushing your kid to fulfill your own dreams of grandeur and success. Because a typical day may be crammed with advanced academic assignments, after-school piano lessons, art classes, and soccer tournaments, many of these talented children are careening off the fast track to success. Under so much pressure and stress, they are crashing and burning before they reach adolescence.

How can you, as a parent of a truly gifted child, walk the fine line between supporting your talented kid and projecting your own needs and desires?

Written with wisdom and a healthy dose of wit, this practical guide shows how to avoid the negative effects of "Achievement by Proxy Distortion" (ABPD) and protect kids from being overscheduled, overworked and overpressured. Filled with a wealth of interviews and insight from noted experts in the field of child development, this enlightening book includes directions for evaluating a child's abilities, suggestions for monitoring a child's mental and physical health, and information for understanding the financial and emotional commitment needed to support the development of a child's talent. Most important, the authors present guidelines that will help parents separate their own needs, ambitions, and dreams from those of their children.

Using the author's Seven-Step Program for Encouraging and Protecting High-Achieving Children, parents can

• Establish if a child is truly exceptional
  
• Select classes, schools, and camps that nurture high-achievers
  
• Learn to deal with over-the-edge instructors
  
• Weigh the cost of sacrifices made in the pursuit of excellence
  
• Watch for red flags of ABPD behavior

Exceptional children need exceptionally balanced guidance. The suggestions outlined in this book will help parents learn how to nurture their talented children and support them as they strive to reach their full potential.

Give Your Exceptional Child Exceptional Support

Are you pushing your kid to the breaking point? Don't fall into the trap of pressuring your gifted child into achieving your own unfulfilled longings for glory and success. Living up to those dreams has its price. Your kids could be cheated out of a normal childhood as you enroll them in an endless series of classes and lessons in your quest to see your offspring reach the top.

Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them From Behind is a commonsense guide for moms and dads of talented and gifted children. In this practical book, Dr. Ian Tofler and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo—experts in the field of parentin—present their Seven-Step Program for Encouraging and Protecting High-Achieving Children. This innovative program offers guidance for establishing healthy boundaries between parents' ambitions and the needs of their talented children, and clear-cut instructions for helping children balance achievement with happiness.

"This book provides the third voice that parents of gifted chidlren really need to help make the difficult everyday decisions. How much study or practice is too much versus too little? How much pressure or competition is an incentive for a child's mastery, and how much is too stressful for a young talented person?"
—Beth Samberg, program director, ACE Educational Services, SAT preparation course, Los Angeles, California

"An excellent book for all parents to read! It fills a void especially for parents with kids in sports."
—Joan Ryan, author, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes

"A concise yet richly developed book on a critical topic for this century, by a well-respected psychiatrist."
—Ron Kamm, M.D., vice president, International Society for Sport Psychiatry and fellow of the American Psychiatric Association

About this edition

• Publisher: Jossey-Bass
• Publication date: 2000
• ISBN 10: 0787952230
• ISBN 13: 9780787952235
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 256