Prodigal Father: Reuniting Fathers and Their Children - Hardcover

Bryan, Mark

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0517706172 ISBN 13: 9780517706176

Publisher: Clarkson Potter, 1997

Synopsis

In The Prodigal Father, Mark Bryan addresses this important social issue by offering a proven program to help fathers assume a vital role in their children's lives. "Through my work and my own experience as an absent father, I've come to realize that what we call 'deadbeat dads' are actually broken-hearted dads," says Bryan. "Living in shame and denial about the pain of their loss (even when they were the ones who decided to give up their kids), these men feel hopeless and overwhelmed at the thought of attempting a reunion."

Mark Bryan knows the problems of men who are divorced and don't see their kids as often as they would like, as well as those of the men who have totally lost touch with their children. He knows the guilt and shame they feel, the pangs at holiday times, the wrench when a father is alone and sees other fathers playing with their kids, taking them to school, waiting with them in the line at McDonald's. He knows how fathers wonder how they got "out of the picture," how they became "extraneous." He also knows that kids miss their fathers as much as their fathers miss them. He knows this because he is a reunited father himself, and because he has reunited many fathers with their children through his Father Project workshops. Bryan tells many of their stories, and his own, in this book. In The Prodigal Father, Bryan recounts, in detail, the steps he took that led finally to the close relationship that he and his son Scott now enjoy.

More recently, working with small groups of men around the country, Bryan developed an eight-step program to lead men from estrangement to reunion. Many men who never expected to see their children again now see them regularly, participate in decisions in their day-to-day lives, and enjoy the richness and joy only children can provide. Bryan's carefully conceived plan helps men negotiate the sensitive and potentially explosive path back.  

It includes:
        
Acknowledging the loss and the pain
        
Taking steps to regain self-respect and become the man you'd want to father your children
          
Making amends to your child's mother
          
Planning the meeting with your child
          
Reuniting
          
Recognizing the specific needs of your child at each age
          
Establishing an ongoing relationship; becoming close
          
Embracing your child's extended family; the stepfather and half sisters and brothers.

                
A special chapter is addressed to mothers, urging them to help in the reunion process. Bryan's message will bring hope and happiness not only to the men who find their way back, but to their children, so often silent about their deep grief over the separation, and to the mothers long overburdened by the responsibilities of single parenthood.
        
Says Bryan: "I will be touring to more than twenty cities to get the message of Reunion for Fathers across.  Will you help me reach those millions of fathers and mothers whose distance keeps their children from knowing their fathers?  Will you help those 21 million children who never see their fathers live fuller lives and gain a love they so fervently need?  I am asking your help to bring this message to your audience. For this is not just a book. It is a mission."        

About this title

Review:

Given our cultural blinders, it's easy to forget that fathering is just as challenging and rewarding as mothering. The trials and triumphs of single mothers especially have received a great deal of attention. But what about men who have had to leave their children behind? With no space to grieve, no way to recover their soul or regroup the fragments of their lives, absent fathers often spiral into years of inaction, leaving themselves and their children disconnected and in need. Mark Bryan, director of the Father Project in Massachusetts, recognizes this need (having experienced it himself), and wrote The Prodigal Father out of concern for the effects of the damaged parental relationship on both parties involved. Bryan shares his heart-wrenching story of abandoning, and then reuniting with, his own son, as well as the stories of many other men who have each endured heartbreak and struggle to regain a role in their children's lives. As coauthor of The Artist's Way, Bryan knows how to bridge the gap between self-help advice and practical action. Each chapter contains specific exercises and activities designed to move dads closer to their kids; aerobic physical activity, silence, and writing all have a place. There's no sugar coating--prodigal fathers must work prodigiously to rediscover their children. The rewards, though, as delightfully described herein, beat winning the lottery. --Rob Lightner

From the Publisher:

"As intelligent as it is moving, The Prodigal Father should be read by all fathers, absent or otherwise, and just as important by single mothers and those who grew up without fathers, for they will find comfort and solution in these pages."
-- John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame That Binds Us

"As a teacher, writer, and friend, I have worked side by side with Mark Bryan for ten years. He has a compassionate heart, great courage, and the willingness to face and heal our deepest wounds. This book is a call to loving, a call to arms, and a call to loving arms."
-- Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way

"Beyond rhetoric, politics, and psychobabble, Mark Bryan paints a vibrant portrait of what adults must do to genuinely support the children in our lives. Life on life's terms must be faced: guilt, abandonment, and rage can be transformed through hard work, courage, and forgiveness. If you are a father, know a father, or had a father, read this book."
-- Linda C. Powell, Ph.D., Harvard University Graduate School of Education

About this edition

• Publisher: Clarkson Potter
• Publication date: 1997
• ISBN 10: 0517706172
• ISBN 13: 9780517706176
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 278