About the Author:
Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson are internationally recognized experts on couples therapy and cofounders and directors of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California. They maintain an active lecture and workshop schedule for couples and professionals, and they have appeared on a variety of radio talk shows. Bader served as President of the International Transactional Analysis Association; Pearson is a Consulting Associate Professor at Stanford University. They are also the authors of In Quest of the Mythical Mate, which received the Clark Vincent Award for its outstanding contribution to the field of marital therapy from The California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. They live in Menlo Park and have three daughters.
Judith D. Schwartz is a widely published writer with a specialty in psychology. The author of The Mother Puzzle, she lives in Bennington, Vermont with her husband, Tony Eprile, and their son, Brendan.
From Publishers Weekly:
After 15 years "studying marital communication" as coordinators of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, Calif., Bader and Pearson (a married couple themselves) share the secrets to uncovering, understanding and recovering from lies between husbands and wives. Based on the presumption that "everybody lies," this highly detailed manual explains why lying happens, how it harms relationships (and those who lie) and what the underlying motivations may be. With many examples from their practice and their own marriage, Bader and Pearson guide readers through the deceptive traps common to what they cast as each of the four stages of relationships: Honeymoon, Emerging Differences, Freedom to Explore and Together as Two. Examining the "dark side" of each stage, the authors show how "lies in a marriage cause wanton destruction." In the idyllic honeymoon phase, slight imperfections can provoke secret resentments, while differences between partners can later cause a "seething stalemate" if not balanced honestly and respectfully. Freedom to grow can slip into an "anything goes" mode, involving rebellious drinking or money dealings, or sexual infidelity. Even seemingly innocuous lies, intended to spare feelings and maintain equilibrium in a marriage, can backfire or become obsolete over time. At the book's end, Bader and Pearson provide a nine-step process for revealing a difficult truth. The rest of their self-help manual may be better used in conjunction with professional counseling, as it can be dauntingly complex. At least one chapter, addressing the "Lie Invitee," may push readers too far, leaving them feeling blamed for another's deception. Perhaps Bader and Pearson can guide clients through these difficult events in person, but their advice on the printed page may not offer enough help for couples in trouble. (Aug.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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